Another Lonely Night
by clarksmuse
Summary: A ClarkLana ficlet, Clark's POV postPromise. Inspired by the song In My Head by Anna Nalick. Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to AlMiles.


___In my head  
Your voice  
You've got all that I need  
And this make believe will get me through  
Another lonely night_

He hung back in the shadows, the tux covering his tall frame wrinkled and smudged, watching. The black tie in his hand forgotten, dropping to the floor when his entire being turned cold, numb. Because her eyes had met his, conveying her love for him even as she said "I do" to another man.

His enemy. Not a man: a monster. He was letting the love of his life marry a soulless monster. Tears pricked the back of his blue eyes, those same eyes pleading with her to stop. To let _him_take care of her and her unborn child. To run away from Smallville with her and live the kind of life he had imagined since he was eight years old.

Clark saw the hesitation, the uncertainty, the determination. Heard Lana draw in a deep breath, almost felt her body quaking as she pulled her eyes from his to look at Lex.

"I do."

Those two words, nailing the coffin shut on any future they could have together, echoed in Clark's ears loudly, waking him up from his nightmare, the same dream he'd had ever since… He put a hand to his face, feeling the wetness from his tears, and opened his eyes groggily. Looking around, he realized he had fallen asleep in the loft again, the blanket covering him twisted around his body violently. He scooted up, head leaning against the back of the couch, and tried to clear his mind. He _wanted_ to sleep in his own bed tonight, _wanted_ to confess to his mother how broken he felt.

_Wanted_to do anything but think about Lana. Even now, in his state of half-consciousness, Clark saw her perfectly framed face, her deep, passionate eyes lit up with laughter during their time together. Something he hadn't seen in a long time, not until the day she got married.

With a frustrated groan, Clark ripped the blanket in two, tossing it aside and getting off the couch. He stumbled towards the loft window, stretching even as he wiped his tear-stained cheeks dry with his hands. He leaned against the opening, gazing out with sightless eyes. His memories were too numerous to count at this singular place with Lana. The countless talks and kisses they shared. The happy moments of peace in her presence, even when she had finally called it quits with him.

None of it seemed to matter now, he thought, his heart shattering into fragments. He couldn't imagine a time when Lana Lang _hadn't_ been a part of his life, and now… Now she was gone, her last name changed to Luthor, married to the man who had plagued his family, his friends with those "good intentions" that translated to his moving ahead at whatever cost. Clark wondered if Lana knew about Lex's pet projects, especially 33.1. Maybe if he had been truthful from the beginning, had confessed his uniqueness, had told her about the army Lex was building from meteor-infected people…

Blue eyes settled on the house nearby, the one where Lana had lived with Nell when she was younger. And in a moment, Clark closed his eyes and imagined how he wished things had turned out…

_The dark, empty house is lit up with light, flooding from the windows cheerfully as laughter floats from the open windows. Fresh springtime air wafts throughout the house, and the smell of apple pie is so heady it makes his stomach rumble. Children's' laughter drifts on the wind, and he sees his children running around the living room, Lana chasing them. She's pretending to be a monster, making mock growling noises that mingled with their shrieks of giggling. Their children, their son and daughter, scramble into the kitchen to avoid "the Mama monster" when they collide with a strong pair of legs. Clark's legs._

_Clark picks up a child in each arm, laughing as he asks them who they're running from. When he sees his wife, his happy blue eyes light up with love. She approaches, that peaceful smile echoing in her eyes as she wraps her arms around his waist and kisses him lightly, their lips sharing the joy of the moment. When she steps back to kiss the children on their ruddy, flushed faces, Clark feels complete. Whole._

The mental image was so clear it nearly knocked him off his feet. Clark gripped the loft window ledge so tightly he broke a large piece off in his hands. Great, he thought mournfully, yet something else he had broken that needed fixing.

Tossing the splintered wood to the floor, he returned to the cough, sitting on it and putting his head into his hands. The window would be mended, and the 'Zoners he had released from the Phantom Zone would be caught and destroyed. Clark Kent would fulfill his father's wishes for him, would fix the Fortress of Solitude and learn everything it had to offer him.

His relationship with Lana Lang-Luthor, though, the woman he'd always love, was irrevocably damaged. Nothing would heal that longing for her. He would always regret losing her. Even if he learned to love again, Clark understood a part of his heart would remain with her.

___Under the weight of your wings  
I make believe you are all that I'll ever need_

All that I need...


End file.
